Do you get caught in the rush and urgency to get somewhere? Sucked into the rush of life, cursing at the traffic on the way to work, the early morning rush to get the kids to school, disconnected from this present moment?
There was nowhere to get?
The only place to go was deeper within?
It’s easy to rush, get stuck in our heads all the while getting more and more disconnected from this present moment. It’s easy to thrash your body in exercise, until you drop, rather than sit your butt still in a posture that challenges every cell within your body, mind and being. For many, the thought of spending time with the self-brings up different scales of emotional responses such as; Fear, Panic, uncertainty, worry and avoidance of feeling. Add a level of physical discomfort to the mix, and for many running away is the easier option.
For those that have explored deeper within, the emotions may be excitement, adventure, and exploring the unknown.
I am about to take you on a journey to when I was early 30’s, at a place of “ Rock-bottom”, creating my own living inner hell and running from the beautiful self.
I recall going to my first ever yoga retreat in Australia, and it was there that I did my first ever yoga class; learned about Reiki and started the “Onion Effect” journey, the removing of many layers created over time from trauma upon trauma. Initially, I was excited to go, then the day came and while being driven there, I started popping anti-depressants like they were M&M lollies. I was also punching myself in the head with my fists; an attempt to numb out the internal pain, and was overcome with absolute panic and fear.
“I was about to look at my stuff, I was overcome with fear, felt powerless and was shit fucking scared!
Let’s be honest and candid here; it takes courage and a big push to start to look at your stuff. It is much easier to blame others. I was so attached to my story, my sense of self, who I thought I was and had built upon it, thinking who am I without my story? I thought I was the product of it. I was about to have my ego exposed and start to look within.
As I arrived, I recall looking at everyone and my mind was in judgment mode, high jacked by comparison! I saw everyone else as having his or her shit together. They looked happy and were mingling around the table. Feeling disconnected, posture slumped forward in shame and thinking, “ I am not worthy to be here.” I felt really uncomfortable like everyone around the table was staring at me and I was shaking from the inside out. As everyone around the table introduced themselves, by the time it was my turn my brain went panic, went blank and I froze inside.
Day 2 arrived and I was still on the outside of my body and not in it. Does that make sense? I felt like a Social FUCK up, a robot going through the motions, an emotional train wreck, exposed and feeling very uncomfortable. I wanted to run and hide!
What happened next was to open the doorway to let stuff go, it was like taking the lid off the pressure cooker, stuck emotions started, to be released from my body.
The Reiki Master performed some Chinese medicine with needles in the area of my liver and the skin turned black. I was then put into some Yoga postures, that felt uncomfortable, yet made me very present, he guided me with my breath.
I felt some immediate release with tears and the following days started to release some more. This would be the beginning of the unraveling back to me. It was then that the yoga journey began and the years that followed I continued to let go and heal from within.
That was taken from The Adventures of Pinky Fairway, my new book – “a journey to awaken the spirit and set yourself free”
The journey is the reward- and never the destination!
From observing human behavior, the most challenging thing to do is to let go. Most people want to hold on, to be in control and to learn to let that crap go takes courage, vulnerability and a willingness to be seen!
The more you unravel the layers, the more you realize it is never-ending. The nervous system will release and let go ONLY when it is ready. There is no perfect road to your journey back to you as we are all different and yoga is a pathway to start to undress the masks created over time and iron out the kinks in the armor of protection.
So many think that Yoga is about the postures, it’s been so westernized, losing much tradition around what yoga actually is. This is a simplified version of what I believe yoga to be.
A method to “feel good and let shit that no longer serves you go”
The work that you do on the mat will impact your outside life. To sit within a posture that feels challenging takes discipline, and many people are lacking in self-discipline. Many people also AVOID PAIN at all cost. Yoga invites the student to become present with the posture, the breath the faithful guide and to become curious to go deeper within. Hence why yoga is easier when in a room with others, as you feel the support and loving energy of others.
“The time you think it is time to come out of the posture, is the time the posture begins” As you sit and be within the discomfort of the physical body, your breath you’re guide, you let go of the resistance and the old story/stuff, released as salty healing tears and sometimes uncontrollable laughter!
Yoga Love — by Zoe Bell
Your journey of being free
Starts here on your mat
A sweet place to rest
No matter what!
A Journey of Yoga
Time to see what others adore
A courageous journey
Let go, even more.
A powerful journey back to you
To shift the attention
To awaken your passion
To take inspired action
Stop projecting your toxic shit
Put down your shame and guilt
Follow your heart- soul Truth.
Put down the blame
It’s keeping you stuck
The whining and complaining
Invite love and compassion
Dissolve fear and hate
Be the change
Come back to self-love!
A beautiful journey back to you
No one cares for your fancy clothes
Your colorful mat
You’re sweet perfume.
Embrace your body
Get ready to sweat
Connect with your neighbor’s
Have no regrets
Be here now
Simple as that!
Yes there will be a time
To sit in your discomfort
To dissolve the layers
Old judgment perhaps,
Of self and with one another
A toxic B.S ready to let go
So sit in your Doo-doo
And all its stinky glory
Have gratitude for your unique story
Cry, laugh and shift into the new
You are simply letting go
To reveal and reclaim
The beautiful YOU.
Enjoy the beautiful journey back to you and as they say “what happens in Rome, stays in Rome”. Choose to leave your stuff on your mat and start to let go with ease and grace. Life is too short, so make each moment count!
“Inspiring others to shine bright and never play small again!”
See more of Zoe Bell at: https://www.zoe-bell.com/